Ryan Tindal
Director - Skilled Carer
In the bustling atmosphere of Gumbuya World, I found myself with a mental challenge, this is a story about lacking confidence mixed with burdening and overwhelming fear.
A timid boy we will call Ethan, who was standing near the entrance of 'The Rebel', the park's most terrifying rollercoaster. He looked petrified, his eyes darting nervously between the towering ride and the joyous and horrified screams of those who dared to board it.
As I strolled past the rollercoaster, I felt a sense of compassion for Ethan, I wanted him to have a great time. I wanted him to approach a challenge, and overcome it, knowing it would fill him with self confidence, knowing that he can approach challenges in life and make daring choices to attack them and overcome them. These situations and activities are rarely about just having fun. There's always things to be learned, self discovery to be had and opportunities for growth. It's a great place to offer up opportunities for growth in an environment that is fun and enjoyable people.
I approached him and offered a friendly smile. "Are you thinking about riding 'The Rebel'?" I asked, attempting to strike up the conversation of reservations I know he was feeling. Ethan looked at me with a mixture of anxiety and hesitation. "No". A little abrupt and dismissive I thought, but I wasn't surprised. A very common response when people who lack confidence and understanding of their emotions are challenged.
I decided to share a personal story with him. "You know, I am terrified of rollercoasters too," I admitted. "But then I tried one, and it was a lot more fun than I expected. I'm going to ride it again today. I like to challenge myself and feel scared sometimes. How about we go on it together? I promise it's not as scary as it looks and you will feel so proud of yourself afterwards.".
Ethan's eyes widened with surprise, and he hesitated. After a deep breath, he nodded. "Okay, I'll give it a shot. But I might chicken out at the last moment."
We joined the line, our conversation easing his tension slightly, I distracted with jokes and personal questions about what was happening in his world. As we continued to wait, I shared stories about how thrilling the rollercoaster was and how much I enjoyed the adrenaline rush. With every word, Ethan's grip on his fear seemed to loosen, and a glimmer of excitement appeared in his eyes.
Finally, we reached the front of the line, and the ride attendants began directing passengers to their seats.
Ethan couldn't bear it any longer. With a panicked look, he was frozen, "No! I'm not going on." He moved aside.
I consoled him "You gave it a try, and that's what matters. There's no shame in stepping back if you're not ready.".
We walked back together, and I could tell that he felt embarrassed and paralysed by the thought of letting himself and me down, he had really tried to face his fear, and that was a step in the right direction.
Our encounter had given him the first taste of what it felt like to challenge his anxiety. I took him aside and rather than finishing with failure on his mind, I extended an opportunity for success. I asked him what's up, "How are you feeling?". "Dunno" he said. I delved deeper "What emotion are you feeling? Scared, anxious, fearful, embarrassed". "Scared" he confessed. I used the opportunity to validate his feelings "You are absolutely right to feel scared, that's our bodies way of getting us ready for something scary and preparing us. Is there a time when you have felt scared before?". He said he had so I asked "Tell me about it.", Ethan began to talk about some times in his life where he had felt scared. I used the opportunity to remind him of times before that I had known about him where he had overcome fear. "Do you remember that time when we went to feed the big red kangaroos, you felt scared, I felt scared. Did we end up feeding them?". "Yeh" he said. "And how did that make you feel afterwards?" I asked. "Pretty good." He said.
"Let's take some deep slow breaths together, because I'm quite scared too of this ride. I hate heights, which is weird when I'm so tall." I always used humour to break the tension and release the pressure of anxious moments.
"We can do this, we can do this together, we will help each other conquer our fears and afterwards we're going to feel amazing and we're going to have something awesome to tell mum." I propositioned.
He would return and ride the rollercoaster triumphantly, knowing that he had taken that step forward, allowing his body to relax to a point that it was now possible to try again without any pressure of what was happening in his body.
That little voice in your head may whisper it's doubts. But it should remind you of the many hardships and challenges that you've overcome in the past. No matter who you are, you've given that little voice many positive moments to speak of. You learn to walk despite falling down many times. For some, there's just less examples of these things.
Everyone's inner voice has a different amount of confidence, and the only way I got to that point was through trial and error, failure and accomplishment. Breakthroughs like this often take a rocking back and forth of the vending machine before it tips over. If you as the leader and role model, dismiss and walk away then the feeling of failure becomes that tiny bit harder to overcome next time.
These little wins and loses snowball. Newtons first law aka the law of inertia: A body at rest or moving in straight line will continue at rest or moving in a straight line unless acted upon by force. We can relate this to human behaviour: Behaviour tends to follow the status quo unless it is acted upon by a decrease in friction or increase in fuel. Humans tend to take the path of least resistance and in this case the emotions affecting the body are providing the most friction, as well as sucking up our pride, putting our ego on the line again and walking back up to the ride where we have just "failed" in our minds. We need a certain amount of force to change our minds and our direction, and in this case we need a certain amount of care, understanding and patience. We are resistant to change. It protects us and our biological instincts. Fuel could be reward.
We are best served if we can provide the mentality that the work is the reward. Then nothing will be too hard a challenge to overcome in the future. When we use treats, perks and money as rewards, eventually throughout our lives those 'rewards' may subside and we will remain in our non-moving state, unwilling and unknowing of how to change our behaviour and overcome our inevitable obstacles.
Let the work be the reward
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