It was a typical Tuesday afternoon, and I was in the middle of a math lesson with my 8th-grade special needs class. The students were engaged, and the atmosphere in the room was positive. As I walked around the classroom, helping students with their work, one of the students, let's call him, Alex, suddenly reached out and touched me on the lower back. The touch made me feel uncomfortable, but I knew it was important to address the situation immediately and appropriately.
I calmly stepped back, maintaining a neutral expression. "Alex," I said softly but firmly, "I understand you might not have intended to make me uncomfortable, but touching someone on their lower back isn’t appropriate, especially in a classroom setting."
Alex looked surprised and a bit embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he said.
I nodded, acknowledging his apology. "I appreciate that, Alex. It's important that we all respect each other's personal space, whether it's between students or between a student and a teacher. This helps us all feel safe and respected here in the classroom."
Just as I started to move on with the lesson, Alex reached out and touched my lower back again. This time, I knew I had to be more assertive. I turned to him, my tone firmer now. "Alex, it’s very important that you don’t touch me like that. I need you to respect my personal space."
Alex's expression changed quickly—his face flushed with frustration, and without saying a word, he turned and ran out of the classroom, clearly upset.
I decided to give him some time to calm down and soothe himself, allowing about five minutes to pass before I followed. I found Alex sitting outside the classroom, his arms crossed and his face turned away from me. I approached him slowly and sat down beside him.
"Alex," I began gently, "thank you for hearing me earlier. I know that might have been tough to hear, and I understand that you’re upset."
He didn’t say anything at first, but I could tell he was listening.
"I want you to know that I care about you, and we’re still friends. It’s just really important to me that you understand that when you touched me like that, it made me feel uncomfortable."
Alex finally turned to look at me, his expression softening a bit. "I didn’t mean to make you feel bad," he mumbled.
"I know," I said, offering him a reassuring smile. "I believe you, and I’m glad we talked about this. It’s important that we learn from these moments so we can keep our classroom a safe and respectful space for everyone."
He nodded, and I could see some of the tension leave his body. We sat there for a moment longer, letting the air clear between us. Then, when he was ready, we both stood up and walked back to the classroom together, ready to move forward.
The situation wasn’t easy, but by addressing it directly and with empathy, I was able to set clear boundaries while also validating Alex's feelings. The rest of the day went smoothly, and I noticed Alex being more mindful of his actions, understanding the importance of respecting personal space.
CLICK FOR PODCAST with Deb from Date-Ability
Individuals with mental illness, Downs syndrome, autism or acquired brain injuries (ABI) in particular may sometimes exhibit sexually inappropriate behaviour due to various factors:
1. Impaired Social Understanding:
These conditions can affect a person’s ability to understand social norms and boundaries. They may not fully grasp what constitutes appropriate or inappropriate behaviour in different contexts.
2. Cognitive Impairments:
Cognitive difficulties, such as impaired judgment or impulse control, are common in these populations. This can lead to impulsive actions without considering the consequences or understanding the inappropriateness of certain behaviours as well as having to be repeatedly reminded of them.
3. Communication Difficulties:
People with these conditions may struggle with expressing their needs, emotions, or desires in socially acceptable ways. As a result, they might resort to inappropriate behaviour as a form of communication.
4. Medication Side Effects:
Some medications used to treat mental illnesses or manage symptoms of Down syndrome and TBI can affect sexual drive or behaviour, potentially leading to inappropriate actions.
5. Lack of Sexual Education:
Often, individuals with these conditions may not receive adequate education about sexuality and boundaries, leaving them unaware of appropriate behaviour in different social settings.
Understanding these factors is crucial for responding to such behaviour with empathy, appropriate boundaries, and support, while ensuring the safety and dignity of all involved.
How To Respond
Establishing clear boundaries is essential in maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship with the people we support. Boundaries help to define what is acceptable and what is not, creating a safe environment where both we and the people we support can thrive. When we consistently uphold these boundaries, we foster trust, respect, and mutual understanding.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how we approach and resolve these conflicts is what truly matters. When we confront issues head-on with empathy and assertiveness, we demonstrate leadership and courage. By addressing conflicts directly and respectfully, we help prevent misunderstandings from escalating and provide a model for healthy communication. This not only helps to resolve the immediate issue but also empowers the individuals we support to handle future conflicts more effectively.
Restoring a damaged relationship requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to rebuilding trust. When we take the initiative to mend relationships that have been strained, we show that we care deeply about the well-being of those we work with. This effort can lead to stronger, more resilient connections that provide a foundation for long-term success.
When we as support workers show leadership by setting boundaries, resolving conflicts, and restoring relationships, we create an environment where the individuals we support feel safe, respected, and valued. This can have a profound impact on their ability to grow, develop, and maintain healthy relationships in the long term. By modelling these behaviours, we help them to build the skills necessary to navigate challenges independently, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and empowered life.
I encourage each of you to embrace these opportunities for leadership and to approach these challenges with courage and compassion. The work we do is incredibly important, and by prioritizing these aspects of our interactions, we can make a lasting difference in the lives of those we support.
Podcast, YouTube Channel and Further Learning
For those interested, I have released a podcast course series about Emotions and Disability, discussing many aligning topics, which delves deeper into these themes. This course is not just a good idea; it's a necessity for creating a more connected and respectful society.
I have designed this channel to provide education, resources and perspective into not only disability but habits and psychology in all things that can benefit a person's life. You will find this information useful regardless of whether or not you have a disability or know others that do.
This podcast is designed to support people and discuss various topics including:
- Economics
- Building accessible systems
- Education
- Behavioural psychology
- Changing behaviour
- Financial freedom - Disability
- Psychology - Health & fitness
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